Matters of the Heart (This ole’ heart of mine) ©
When
you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
Mark Twain
Opposites
attract. Mark Twain
I have heard that a lot over the years. I have even bought into it a couple of times. I am here to tell you from firsthand experience that just because opposites attract truly does not mean they are supposed to coexist. Then there is the other side of that coin. The person you have almost everything in common with. The people you meet and feel like you have known them forever. You also have to be wary of this type of attraction as well. Now don’t think I am Anti Love or anything like that. I mean after all...you can’t have a blog entitled Labors of Love and not buy the product you’re selling.
No, I am love's biggest cheerleader. In its proper context of course. Proper context meaning that you are being loved as much as you are showing love. Life and Love have taught me time and time again that there is no rhyme or reason to love and that’s the way it should be. One is loved because one is loved. There is no reason nor should there ever be a reason for it. You may really like certain qualities or characteristics about the person you profess to love but those should never be the why of it. No, you should love the one you're with because your heart can't bear the thought of living one minute without that person. Our heart has a mind of it's own at times though and if you are not in tune with it it can at times make your life most difficult. Oh I'm sorry. You didn’t know your that your heart had a brain? Really? I just assumed that you knew. My fault. You know what they say about assuming. Then CLEARLY you have never truly been in love. I have….. And let me tell you, your heart has a brain and it is quite wise. People that have been or are in love know that their heart has a mind of its own. I should have listened to mine more. I'd probably be married now. Ehhhh probably not. I do know that I would not have dated certain women. I know that I would not have wasted the kind of time I did loving women that weren't "all in". I most definitely know that I would have spent more time with the ones that were. If I had just listened to that ole' heart of mine.
See we tend to place more emphasis on and pay more attention to everything except what’s important to our heart. For you see that old adage is truly on point. “Wherever your heart lies there you will find your treasure.” We should always cherish and adore the people we truly love. Truly love.... Not the ones we like a little bit. Not the jump off whose got that "good good". Not that live-in boyfriend or girlfriend of 10 to 20 plus years that clearly has no intention of marrying you. It's time for a ring don’t you think? Just sayin... I'm not putting that kind of time and effort into any woman and not putting a ring on it. You have got to lock that one down, man. If she been that good to you for that long then she's the one, Cuz. Trust me. As a man I know...if you find a woman that can stand being around you that long and she keeps you keep going back for more than just the physical... she's a keeper.
My bad.... I was talking about listening to that ole' heart of ours.
Most of the time its message is loud and clear. We just have a tendency to ignore it. Like when you met that woman or man and your heart "skipped a beat", but you decided that because the last one took you down through there and abused your love and trust (you cannot have one without the other...sorry) you didn't even call them or call them back when they gave you the number. Or maybe it was that time when you met someone somewhere unexpected (on vacation, at the book store, at the grocery store, etc) and their conversation was awesome, their spirit truly appeared genuine and they were easy on the eyes to boot. Your heart starts its dance and you can barely contain your excitement whenever you are around them. Then you start the self sabotage. The person does one thing you don’t like and you go into shut down mode. You start comparing the person to the last one you dated. You start looking for reasons to get out before they hurt you again. You all but quit before you even begin instead of trusting your heart. Now don’t get it twisted.....if that one mistake was an overhand right or an open hand slap...ummm yeah go ahead and throw in the towel on that one. Nobody's love, sex, money, prestige ...or whatever is worth you getting the crap beat out of you. Besides.... you're worth more than that. The person that hurts you - in any way albeit mentally or physically - doesn’t truly love you. If they did they would not want any kind of harm or discomfort to befall you. As a matter of fact ...if they truly love you.... they would put themselves in harm’s way for you. But then again I’m old school. This New School Love Thang just has me so confused. It does, man. The stuff I see out here that people call love is so not what I am accustomed to seeing. Do people even understand what that word means and how powerful it is? I do and I act accordingly. I never use it unless I mean it. It seems now though folks throw that word around for shock value, to elicit a response or for the sake of some twisted sort of entertainment with no true meaning behind it. Then sometimes it is simply because there are those people that never saw or have never seen true love in action. I honestly think that you can’t be expected to do or know what you have not seen or haven’t experienced. Nevertheless the older you get, the more you mature and the more you things you experience albeit good or bad, hopefully the wiser you become in regards to matters of the heart.
Now!
Those of you that know me know I’m an old school cat from the Deep South and come from a generation of southern gents. With that being said, I would be remiss if I didn’t speak to how chivalry in my - the humblest of opinions - is directly related to the condition of your heart. So yeah, fellas…. I need ya to keep an open mind for the next few paragraphs. Just know that I know that Love is a two way street somewhere around the intersection of Kindness and Compassion and that the ladies at least got to meet us halfway. I get that and that will most definitely be addressed too.
But first….
I was raised that men have a certain “unspoken” responsibility to women. I was also raised to believe that there are just some things men just are supposed to do for a woman without being asked. This is why this New School Love thang just has me so confused. Let me give you a few examples of what I’m talking about. Dudes not opening or holding doors for their woman. Guys not carrying bags for their woman or making sure that their lady's needs are getting met. For example, taking out the trash (without being asked), washing her car (without being asked), cutting the grass (without being asked), putting the toilet seat down (without – sigh) I think you get the point. I mean granted it unfortunately could be a pretty long list but the cool thing is if you are doing it for the right woman (preferably your wife) then you don’t mind and it more than likely has become second nature. From my experience with women in relationships it appears to be the little things they appreciate. The compliments, the affirmation that they are the loveliest woman in the room, the out of the blue public displays of affection, calls or texts during the day to let them know you're on their mind, remembering special days and moments like the anniversary, her grandmother’s birthday, the first kiss, the first time it hit you that you had met your soulmate…you know stuff like that. Although I am not naïve by any means. I know a many a woman that will tell you - with the quickness I might add – that the big things are kind of important too but not so much. It’s just a matter of perspective. Fellas, I think that doing the little things means so much to women because they know that we as men don't always pay attention to detail. So the fact that we are going out of our way to do so speaks volumes to them. It also may mean that she is in and on your heart. The old school cats know that. Why do you think you see couples married for 25, 30, 50+ years? Because the men in that situation understand the importance of trusting their heart and doing the little things that makes their wife happy, whole, and complete. "Happy Wife, happy life". This is the general consensus amongst the several men I am privileged to know whose marriages have survived for decades.
Ohhh no, Ladies. Come on now. Did you actually think you were gonna get off that easy?
Women tend to be big offenders when it come to matters of the heart as well. See ladies, whether we admit it or not, men want (notice I said want, not need) affirmation too. Guys like hearing how much their woman appreciates the things that they do for them regardless how “small” it was. Men hate being taken for granted just as much as women do. Probably more so in fact because if he is "all in" he is probably putting in a lot of work. Or at least he should be anyway. I mean after all ... it was what we were built for. But anywho..... Yes ladies. You guys drop the ball at times too. It’s not always the man's fault. Communication is tantamount to a successful relationship. Ladies I have a little news for you. Men are not mind readers. If we were, don’t you think we would use that to our advantage like we do everything else? I mean come on. What man wants to argue with a woman? I don’t know any. If you can’t communicate with the one you love then there is little of no chance of the love lasting. Oh by the way….yelling, cursing, tossing the skillet at a fella's head, showing up everywhere the guy goes with yawl’s (yeah I said yawl’s) kid on your hip, keying up the brother’s ride or trying to run a brother over with the whip doesn’t count. Yeah, I know some females like that. Hmph…I may even be talking about you. Thankfully I am happy to say that I have only had a ringside seat or was given a secondhand account of what went down and haven’t been on the receiving end of any of that madness.
With all of that being said ladies; I implore you to learn how to talk to your man. Just like no two women are alike, the same goes for men. We may have similar traits but if you dig just a little beneath the surface... we're different. So don’t let outside factors keep you from following your heart. Only you know what’s best for it. Stop letting your single girlfriends give you relationship or marriage advice unless you see that it is coming from a good place. Don’t act brand new. You know exactly what I mean. That girlfriend that can’t keep a man but insists on telling you what you should do with yours. Why are you listening to her? I mean really. Tell her to take her own advice (or not). Trust me, there are actually some great guys out there. I know a lot of them. Unfortunately it seems the "Bad Boys" are more appealing that the "Average Joe". So a lot of times other anatomical parts win out over that ole' heart of yours. You know the ones and I get that. Don’t get it twisted. I respect the power of the V. But it's needs should never take the place of what your heart wants and/ or needs. Then there is the old school in me that just won’t let this one pass. I’m sorry ladies and I love you to pieces, but it just has to be said. Women not cooking for their man...hell... do women even know how to cook now? You'll be surprised how many women I have met that can’t cook. For those of you that do, God bless ya. You are a woman after my own heart. Now....for those of you that don’t, I’ll sum it up like this. Food truly is the way to a man's heart. Good food coupled with the Power of the V will make a dude a zombie.
A woman that can't cook. Um um um.That’s like giving me an exotic sports car as a gift and no keys. Pretty to look at but not really a whole hell of a lot I can do with it.
*shaking my head*
Hmmmm...Maybe that’s how a lot of these women stay so thin.
I'm just sayin'....
Listen to your heart.
I mean truly listen to it. Even when what it’s saying to you makes you uncomfortable. Trust it because it will never lie to you as long as you put the right stuff in it. That last part is important. You have got to make sure that you are not allowing junk or mess to taint your heart. You heart was not built to carry hate or function in dysfunction. Why do you think it quits on people in the midst of foolishness and stuff they know they have no business doing. Why do you think it causes us pain when we are not in tune with it or not going out of our way to take care of it. I’m here to tell you that It’s not built for that. Why do you think it brings us to tears when it’s happy or sad. Because it’s alive within us and that is one of many ways it gets our attention. One of many ways. That ole’ heart of ours. It can bring us the greatest joy or the greatest sadness and most definitely if left unchecked get us in a whole heap of trouble. It just depends on how in tune you are with yours. Get to know it a little better. You should talk with it every day. I do. I stay talking to this ole’ heart of mine. Daily. I honestly suggest you do the same. If nothing more than to improve the quality of your life and most importantly ..... to make sure you’re both on the same page.