The Essence of Love ©

"Charity* suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; *charity envieth not charity; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemingly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh to no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things 
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

*asterisk denotes the linear notes in the King James Version of the Holy Bible. Charity can replaced by the word Love.

Love as defined by Merriam- Webster's Dictionary is a strong affection arising out of kinship or personal ties. It is also defined as attraction based on sexual desire; affection and tenderness felt by lovers. While yet another definition of the word Love is affection based on admiration, benevolence or common interest.


Essence as defined by Merriam-Webster's Dictionary is defined as the permanent as contrasted with the accidental element of being real or the individual, real, or ultimate nature of a thing especially as opposed to it's existence. Essence is also defined as the properties or attributes by which something can be placed in it's proper class or identified as being what it is. 

I began this entry with the definition of the words Essence and Love because I feel before you even begin to understand anything you must know it's origin and meaning.


The word Love and the manner in which it is used today is in this author's opinion is being taken way too lightly. Once upon a time (Not all that long ago) when one used the word Love to describe the way they felt for another individual, that person used that word after careful thought and consideration of the effect it's use has on those who have for the most part have never experienced it in it's truest form or have been deprived of it. It seems that now the word Love is just tossed around with reckless abandon with little or no thought as to the ramifications of its misuse.


For the unitiated, love should be given unconditionally. 

The Greeks referred to this as Agape. Love is the one thing that we are supposed to give freely without thought or hesitation. Unfortunately in today's society the focus has shifted from caring for the well being of others and making the world around you a better place for all who dwell in it, to as long as I am ok then everything is copasetic. This especially holds true in today's dating scene. I am old enough to remember when dating included courtship and mutual respect was the rule of the day. One-night stands were considered taboo and not the norm as it is today and your economic status had little or no bearing on who you would date. In addition to that dating and courtship did not always result in sex. (The perfect date in my opinion leads to mental as well as emotional stimulation.... One usually leads to the other anyway.)  The result of this unfortunate shift in society's mindset when it comes to dating or even relationships in general has left a lot of emotionally wounded and bitter individuals in it's wake. The divorce rate is at an all time high, today's relationships aren't built on anything of substance and individuals only enter relationships now mostly with ulterior motives on their agendas. This lackadaisical approach to dating and courtship, even the sacred institution of marriage is causing the traditional family structure to almost go the way of the Dodo.


Furthermore, this appears to be having a disproportionate effect on the African- American community. The steady decline of the traditional family structure has resulted in more single parent homes. Thus, more and more people are growing up not knowing what it feels like to grow up with both parents in their home.  Now don't misconstrue what I am saying. There is just as much love and affection expressed from one parent towards a child as can be from having two parents. The point I am trying to make is that just imagine how much more satisfying a childhood could be if the child could receive love, direction, support, encouragement, and spiritual counsel from two parents. Imagine what seeing a man and a woman interacting with one another the way two people in love should interact would do for a child’s perspective on relationships. Showing one another mutual respect, praising their God together, working together to attack anything that threatens their livelihood and well being, showing one another love and affection (Tender kisses to the forehead, hugs, words of affirmation, and things of that nature). Sometimes it's the unspoken lessons our parents pass on to us that we remember long after the scolding and butt whoopings are done. Although..... there were some lessons learned from butt whoopings I received as a child that will live with me until I take my last breath. Ma Dukes was no joke with the strap (Just felt a chill run up my spine).

As a single man participating in today's dating scene, I have found that there has been somewhat of a role reversal amongst men and women (figuratively as well as literally) primarily because of the social and economic structure of today's civilization.  This has also contributed to the current condition of courtships, relationships and even marriages. In today's society, more and more women are finding themselves in positions of authority. There are more Female Fortune 500 Executives, Businesswomen and successful Female Entrepreneurs now than there has ever been anytime in recorded history. This is even true of a lot of homes in which women are the primary breadwinners. Instances such as these present a very delicate situation and make an already awkward situation even more unstable. The reason for this is primarily because many (not all, but many) Men are driven by ego and are very prideful. When it appears that they aren't fulfilling their role established since the creation of the world itself as being the "provider", a man can sometimes view this as an attack on his masculinity. On the other hand, Men that are secure within themselves and their manhood realize that this is mindset is pure, unadulterated vanity. As a Man that once thought this way before what I always refer to as my Spiritual Rehabilitation, I can honestly say that this mindset is very self destructive.


The key is to understand the source of your desire to remain alone. Is it because you have a genuine sense of contentment about who you are and demand a certain caliber of individual to spend your time with? That's fair. No one wants to waste their time dealing with someone that doesn't make them better or inspire them "take that leap". After all, the very essence of love is ultimately all about how vulnerable you allow your self to become. Please don't be decieved. Love is all about vulnerability. Loving someone is not for the faint of heart. It takes a thousand times more courage and strength to love someone unconditionally than it does to destroy them. However, love when done right and experienced in all of it's glory is one of the most beautiful blessings that will ever be bestowed upon you. Yes....... being loved is a blessing. Not often does one come across someone with a kindred soul. One that when you look into their eyes you see a reason to do the impossible. One that doesnt have to utter a word to you but you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you speak the same love language. One that makes loving them seem seemless. A soul that makes such an positive impact on your life that you would gladly lay it down for them if need be without a moments hesitation. For you see the very essence of love allows one to be adacious and feel absolutely safe in that audacity. In a world that now seems to discourage individualism, true love encourages one to become who you were divinely destined to become.

I'm going to be completely transparent with you (Which is easy for me because I don't regret a single thing I have done in this life.). I have known true love. I have. It was the most beautiful season of my life. But just as with all seasons, it had to end. They say it is better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all. Well... I kind of agree with that. Just not the "loved and lost part". You never stop loving someone.They may be gone. The circumstances of your separation may have been something right out of a Stephen King novel. Nevertheless, if you TRULY loved the individual, you will never want to see any harm or discomfort befall them. Now....... if you disagree with that previous statement, that's your God given right to. However if you are perfectly ok with seeing someone you once "loved" get hit by the Number 10 bus while crossing the street at the corner of Long Beach Blvd and Rosecrans, you may want to reevaluate whether or not you actually loved them. Just sayin..... 

As for me, I value my love relationships (Family, Friends, etc). I believe in order to truly love someone you have to be all in.  Not with one foot in while the other is firmly planted on in the door jam keeping the door open to allow for a hasty retreat. You either surrender to love or it is never fulfilling. Love is an all or nothing proposition. To me that all but defines the true essence of love. If you are not up for that, then spare the other person the wasted time and impending heartbreak. Don't waste their time or yours for that matter. Allow them to retain the freedom required for "the one" that will truly appreciate, cherish and respect them. Mr or Ms Right rarely shows up "on cue". You usually run up on them when you least expect it. As for me I met my first true love......

On second thought.....lol

Anyway.

You may ask the question, " What does all this have to do with today's dating environment and love's essence?". 

Everything.... 

It has everything to do with it. Simply because it determines who we date, how we treat the people we date casually, how we treat the people we eventually court, date, and marry. It is a factor in why we deprive ourselves of true happiness and keep ourselves from experiencing true love just for the sake of companionship by remaining in unhealthy relationships. However on the flipside, for those individuals that say "I don't have that problem." "I'm perfectly happy being single." "I don't need anyone to be happy." This may be true (but if you're truly honest with yourself) you will realize that eventually there will come a day when you have to come to grips with the fact that there are certain things the Creator intended for your life that you just cannot obtain or even enjoy alone.